Lap of Luxury

One time this summer, my friends and I wanted to properly celebrate our friend's birthday, so we left our cars at another friend's house, and shared a cab to some Nashville hotspots. The last bar we hit that night just happened to be approximately 2 feet from my house, so I just walked home at the end of the night, neglecting to think about my car, (which was still across town at a friend's house where I had left it) before I got completely hammered.

I awoke early the next morning to remember what had happened, and realized I'd need to call a cab to take me back to my car so that I could make it to work on time. I googled "Nashville cabs," and called the first number that came up. They said they'd be at my house in 25 minutes, so I got ready and stepped outside onto my front porch at the expected time, and my ride had indeed arrived.

I expected to see a yellow Crown Vic or a shitty, white Plymouth Voyager, but no.... sitting in front of my house was a black, Lincoln Town Car, circa 1999. I was already much too late to make other arrangements, so I got into the back seat and said to the driver--(who was wearing a suit, by the way)--

"Is this like a regular cab?" (Bear in mind that I was pretty much still drunk).

The driver smirked at me and said, "Well yes, except we actually speak English, and we don't have trouble finding addresses like 1606 Woodland St." (I'd prefer to not even get into the racial implications he made with his first comment, and all I can say about the latter is that my old house wasn't difficult to find; not in the least. Not. At. All).

The seats were worn, grayish naugahyde with a few cigarette burns in them, and there was smooth jazz playing and the temperature was set at a chilling 60 degrees for that sweltering, July morning. We rode to my friend's house without exchanging any more words--I was biting my lip the entire time, in an attempt to stifle my laughter.

When the man finally dropped me off, I was charged $20 for a 3 mile drive... I guess that's the price you pay for such a decadent lifestyle... And even though we were sticking out like a sore thumb--the one....Lincoln town car, cruising through the government housing off of 65/Rosa Parks Blvd.--I didn't mind in the slightest, because I spent my morning... in the lap of luxury...